Hello, (yes I’m still alive!)
I know it's been a while since my last post. I tried a few times, but the Internet is not consistent and when it went off line I lost a lot of my work! I've been pretty busy and plus, I'm lazy. So, I will try to catch you up. I will talk a little about the athletes, the village, the city and finally preparing for my performance and how I felt after the competition. I will walk in closing and so I will try to talk about that in the next post!
Finally, thank you again to all my supporters and friends! It may not have been the outcome that we wanted, but just getting the chance to be here is one of the greatest accomplishments one can achieve...(or that's what I keep trying to tell myself)
VILLAGE LIFE:
The village has been like a little city, each country has its own tower. It's been nice, we play games where we try to guess what sport everyone comes from and seeing all the different countries, some in which I've never even heard of until now. Most every country has uniforms, shirts, and jackets each representing what country each person is from. This is helpful for me when I go to the huge lunch room when looking for someone who speaks English. It can be a little intimidating surrounded by people you don't even know and who don't even speak English!
While talking about the lunchroom there are several choices to choose from: International (more American style cuisine), Asian (specializing in Chinese, Japanese, and Indian), and also a Mediterranean (pastas, meat dishes, and of course PIZZA), not only that but our 24hr totally free McDonalds. My first meal in the Olympic village, in China, was chicken nuggets and some fries… I’ve eaten more McDonalds in the last week than I have in almost 2 years! When I get home, I’m getting on a tread mill and a diet…
The village is completely self-contained; we have our food, our apartments, and things for entertainment. Sometimes we hang out in the cafeteria chatting with each other or friends from other countries, sometimes we go to game lounge and play, but mostly we hang around the t.v. watching the games and just chilling with each other. The feeling around is very relaxed despite it being the Olympic Games!
BUILDING A TEAM:
Once you leave college, you lose a lot. One of the big things you lose is the feeling of belonging to a team. Once you leave, it’s all on your own. If you don’t want to go to practice, there is no one making you go but yourself and your will to be better. If you have a bad meet, the only person you let down is yourself. The only thing that keeps you coming back the next day and doing your best is yourself.
However, once you make the Olympic team, you again belong to a team. And to steal a slogan from the trails, “The hardest team to make.” You not only are competing for yourself, but also your country. All of a sudden there is 301 million people, and thousands of athletes representing the US behind you. It’s actually a really amazing feeling to have to know you are now a part of something bigger than yourself, bigger than anything you will ever belong to again.
There is also a bonding with the other members of the US track and field team. To keep ourselves busy we mostly sit in the coaches’ room and gather round watching each person compete, sharing in the triumphs and also the disappointments. Athletes, who I’ve never met before wondering how I did, wishing me luck, making friends with people you never thought you would ever meet. Sprinters, jumpers, hurdlers, runners, walkers, throwers, everyone focused on one goal! That’s what it should be to belong to a team.
TAKING IN THE SITES:
There are a few things you should do while in Beijing, Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City, Great Wall, and the Silk Market!!!
My friends, Jessica another hammer thrower and Michelle a shot putter, and I got to visit Tiananmen Square and Forbidden City and it was absolutely breath taking. I just kept thinking the entire time I was walking through Forbidden City about all the people hundreds of years ago who walked on those steps, about life would be like. Even though it is a tourist trap a little bit with so many people crowding around trying to sell things, little knick-knacks and “tour guides” it is still pretty amazing.
One thing we noticed and thought was a little funny were the Chinese children. Instead of wearing diapers, which I could see another culture finding gross, they have little slits in their pants and no underwear. When they need to use the bathroom, they just go and the mom will hold a little toilet paper to catch it. Sorry, I just had to add that part because there were little kids in slits everywhere!
However, looking at palace after palace, buildings combining art and function, all the history is just amazing and I’m really glad I went. I’ve seen a lot great things thanks to track, seeing things I would never have the opportunity to see and maybe never again.
I still haven’t made it out to the Great Wall, but I think I’m just going to go get on a taxi tomorrow and visit by myself… I can’t just leave China and not see the Great Wall, so I will go, walk to the top, look out around the land, take a picture, and come back because you have to go see it, you just have to go.
One of the sites you must see for sure before leaving is the Silk Market. If you want something designer (fake of course), you want pearls, makeup, whatever. If you want it all and want it at a good price, then come to the Silk Market. It is packed with vendors and people, so much motion and yelling, bartering, just to get something for 2 or 3 dollars cheaper.
How the game works is the vendor tells you a price that is too ridiculous and then you counter with your own price that is ridiculously lower and then you go back and forth, the lady saying, “You crazy lady. You cut my head off. You kill me.” And you replying, “Final offer, this is a good deal.” And finally you set on a price you both agree to. It took us a few times there until we were really getting some deals.
We would compare our bags we got at the end of the day seeing who got the better deals. Like I said, we had a slow start. My roommate got a Coach (fake) carry on bag for 150 US dollars, one of our suite mates got the same bag for 75 US dollars, and a few days later I got a Burberry (fake) carry on bag same style and Coach (fake) hand bag for about 30 US dollars total together… See it is a learning curve.
Half the fun of the market is making a deal, feeling like you won the bargaining fight. We went several times and now I got everyone in my family a gift for when I come home!
WORLDS APART:
While here, I’ve spent most of my time in the village and only leaving to see the historical sites or shopping. So, I met one of the Chinese workers at the village who is very friendly. She took me out to a restaurant to eat real Chinese food and talk about our cultures. She had lots of questions for me and I had lots of questions for her.
To start off, we’ll talk about the food. When you eat here, there is so much food! So many courses to eat from that you cannot possibly finish. In fact, in formal Chinese culture, it is not good for a female to eat all the food brought to the table, not even try everything. There are also other little traditions to follow such as not sticking your chop sticks into food or standing it up in the rice, all the food is plated in the middle of the table and you take little bits and put it on your small plate. One of the big things I thought was the most interesting is in Chinese culture when you have dinner with someone you must be able to drink a lot!
Gou (my new Chinese friend) told me drinking a lot is a way to show you can be trusted. She told me stories how much her dad could drink and how that raised his lot in life and so he had taught her how to throw them back as well. We drank Chinese white wine, which is closer to vodka than wine. She said that it was only 55% alcohol and it normally it is around 75%. Yikes!
So we sat down to an amazing dinner, things I’ve never tried and didn’t even recognize on the food chain, and the girl started to throw back the drinks. About half way through, I started to throw them back as well so I could show her she could trust me. Ha ha. I only drank four glasses and I couldn’t even count how many she did. But again, in Chinese culture it is a sign of respect and trust to drink heavily during dinner, no joke!
She was very friendly and we shared some of our likenesses in our cultures as well as some of the differences. In their culture, they are not allowed to speak out against the government or talk about the negatives. Even in her family, she will let her father choose her husband. She is in love with a boy right now, but his father works for her father and is lower so they are not allowed to be together. But the strange thing is where I would go against my parents, to her she would never do such a thing or even think it.
Another thing she told me that I found shocking is the one child rule. I heard it before, but I didn’t really think about it. Here, they are only allowed to have one child. However, she has a small brother that they kept a secret. Her mother had to hide her pregnancy the entire time and the birth and once her brother was old enough, they had to lie and say it belonged to her uncle. If anyone ever found out, her father would lose his job and their family would be punished… She said no one must ever know, but she beams with pride when she tells me how much she loves him and how beautiful her brother is.
As we were calling it a night, she took my hand and we walked hand and hand back to the village. I felt a little silly and when I asked her about it, she said holding hands is a sign of true friendship and is a great honor. Even though I felt a little silly, I thought it was very nice and so we walked hand and hand back to the village.
We have decided to stay pin pals when I go back to America and I hope that one day she would be able to come visit. She imagines American is this great place with so much freedom and opportunity. After speaking with her and learning about her, it really helps me to appreciate what I have.
OKAY… MY FEELINGS ON THE COMPETITION…:
To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out what happened… I felt good, my technique and training has been going well and I thought I was mentally prepared. I wanted to do well, after so many years of hard world and finally making it, I just wanted to show that I belonged.
Right after I competed, there was talk about if I belonged on the team (me getting 4th and going because of the A standard). The people who said things know who they are. I just wanted to show that not only did I deserve to make the team, that having me on it was worth it, that I could do something.
So many people cheering me on, telling me to go for gold… even though that wasn’t necessarily a realistic goal, I still wanted to go and do the best I could do. I wanted to show that my three years of sacrifice and hard work since graduating would pay off. I threw farther in college than I have in 3 YEARS!!!! Do you know how hard it is to tell myself that I’m making the right decision when sometimes I feel like I haven’t made any progress since making any of these stupid choices?!?...
There were other things about the games besides just proving something to my self and others… I was banking on the thought that if I did well, I could possible get some sort of sponsorship. There are three people on the track and field team without a shoe contract and some sort of sponsorship to help them continue competing (and yes they are throwers).
I have been fortunately enough to have had some help through grants from the Track and Field Foundation and my club NYAC helps with a few expenses, but I spend more money on meets, training gear, coaching, basic health up keep every year than I make and I that’s just with me doing the minimum. I get tired of asking my mom for money, working long hours at jobs that high school kids do when I should be resting, recovering, or doing another workout!
So when I felt like I had everything riding on me to do well and not only do I not throw far enough to get into finals, I threw one of the lowest marks I’ve done in a meet in years… My friend and fellow thrower, Suzy Powell, said it best when she told me that dealing with a disappointment of this magnitude, a loss like this, is like dealing with a death. I know it sounds a little extreme to some who says this is just a game, just a sport, but its not. To get to this level, it becomes your life and when you let yourself down, your friends and your family, all your supporters down, it hurts and it’s a pain that you don’t just shake off easily.
The stages of dealing with a grief are:
Denial/Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
So which stage am I?... The lack of post for some time may have been a clue… Yes, I cried. I cried when I got home and went into my room. I thought about every moment leading up to the games, every choice, anything that I could have done that was different. I thought about the competition everything from the time I started warm-up, the thoughts going through my mind during competition, the feel of each throw I made, and then the feeling at the last throw when everything goes silent and numb and realize it is over…. I thought about it and cried again and was mad at myself for crying, angry with myself for not being about to pull one throw together, for not finding something else inside myself to give, for sitting in a room crying when I should be planning for the finals in two days…
Then I thought about the future. Four more years? I know that I need to take some time and think about things. Some time to let this heal (I know it sounds silly). But I don’t think I can pick up a hammer right now and I need time to think about if I want to again… Maybe a few months, I will. I will believe again that all the sacrifices, pain, hurts will be worth the joys of the hammer, will be worth it.
No body tries for the Olympics because it’s easy, but many don’t because it’s hard.
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